How I Got Through My First Year Away?

Yeah, I put on 6kgs and spent 3 weeks getting it off to complete exhaustion (that is another story)

Hi everyone, me again and it is time for a new post. Ok, so this post will be a general intro to how I survived my first year overseas, trying to play football.

Ok, well first of all has anyone been away from their home before? 26 years old and I thought that I knew it all. Obviously, I was seriously mistaken. Travelling overseas and living in a different country from your own is one of the most liberating and challenging experiences that you will encounter. When I moved from Christchurch to Auckland, I grew, emotionally, physically but for me the most powerful change was in my soul. To some people this will not make sense but to spiritual people, these buzz words will get you going. To most people it did not make sense. Why was I giving up my fruitful career in teaching? Why was I moving cities when I had everything? A partner, my family. And I was leaving it for the unknown. Nothing, no job, no security, no friends, no family. I was leaving it for myself. Well looking back at it now. I have to say “Who says that I had anything?” To society I had success, but society has created such a dull reality to life that now thinking about it. I was playing safe and although I lived life to my fullest in Christchurch with what I had, life is this moment, no matter what it looks like, in the end I guess this journey and the unknown is the most beautiful thing I even OWN apart from the strengthened relationships with my beautiful family of course. To live with no regrets, no matter what the outcome, I did it for me. And although sometimes I question this decision and wonder what my life would be now if I was teaching in Christchurch and in the leadership roles that I always dreamed of. I certainly as hell would not be the person I am today without it. So I will trust in what the universe has in store for me.

I was ready to leave New Zealand, I had an offer to go to Germany and I did not take it. I chose to stay and finish my Masters, gain some financial stability for once and tick off the boxes that I needed. There were many reasons, you know, my football life may have been very different with this decision and as well as my academic life but I stick with my decisions and what my heart said and the journey I am on now. With football, it is so hard or anything to know what to do. I have spent millions of conversations with friends, going back and forth with not knowing what to do. In this situation all I can say is DO WHAT YOU WANT… AND THEN OWN IT. YOU HAVE TO. We are fortunate to have choice whereas others do not. In January, it was time to leave. I said to myself “whatever team that wants me”, I will take it. So long story short, I went to Serbia. Now, stop there for one second and shut the front door, before you go to Serbia I really hope that you think about this decision and your own safety. I was really busting to go overseas and I guess that is what I did.

Next blog, when I stepped into Serbia.

Alright I am ready 28 Years – hit me

As I listen to: ‘Mess her up’ by Amy Shark, I feel the drive to write a much needed, promised post on me babbling about what I think the world is about but know so little about. For fun, for a way to express this wild mind of mine, and to be true to myself.

So it was time to reflect and laugh about my 28 years of existence. First of all, how the hell did 28 years creep up on me this fast? It only felt like I was 21 dancing in Cruz to the worst music possible winging at life with a lot more structure than I have now 😛

On my 28th birthday a lot of things happened, this isn’t the time nor place to share but what that moment really taught me was that: relationships really are the core to our existence. And these friendships, relationships can change or end in a matter of seconds NO MATTER HOW GOOD OR KIND YOU ARE TO PEOPLE. People that you really trust with all your heart can lie straight to your face and there really is nothing you can do about it, but identify and catch this behaviour. I am still trying to figure out how to push or move forward from this and I think I really got a wake up call that the world isn’t this nice, bubbly world that I imagined it to be. Literally, you live and you LEARN. It does not make sense to me because I do not lie and don’t know how people do but there are these people out there. If you can fill me in on any answers towards this, that would be great.

Long story, short. I have reevaluated and reshuffled some friendships in my life. What has prevailed is family, my dear brother that loves me no matter how I fail, what mistakes I make. He continues to believe that I am such a special human being in this world. Cherish these people, forgive those that are dealing with their inner demons but do not let them manipulate you or use your kindness against you, stand up for yourself when people try to bring you down and act cool and ALWAYS be your biggest supporter. When you fight against your own inner demons, it is possible to enable them to win. So do not let them.

Love Aimee

Football Sucks

I am so sorry to tell you this…BUT there will be some days where football sucks, it will not only just suck. It will ruin your day, it will ruin your night, it will make you doubt yourself, it may make you do none of these things, it may make you want to prove the naysayers wrong, it could do a lot of things BUT from my experience, there will be days where football is just going to SUCK and there is nothing really good to say about it. I understand the feeling too well and empathise with you. I can’t always tell you that it will be ok, because it won’t BUT I will give you hope. That it will only take one game, one game for everything to click for you to feel like you love the game again. And you do love the game. You just don’t like everything that comes with it.

Live with it, use it to be better. There will be a team for you, there will be, you just need to TRUST that with hard work you will get better and continue getting better.

On those days especially, I want you to be good to yourself (I know that it is easier said than done). I want you to really take in this blog post and UNDERSTAND that there are thousands of people out there who would LOVE to be you. However, that thinking does give me perspective but not enough these days. What keeps me going is being kind to myself. I watch my game, I take in what I can from feedback (I do not let people, even coaches perspectives drown my inner soul), I focus on what I did, what I can do better and I MOVE the hell on.

I forgive myself. Yes, that is right, I forgive myself for being so mean and having these expectations on myself. I move on and realise that I am my investment, and I will continue working on my craft. It will get better. It will get better.

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